so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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