They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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