For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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