i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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