I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize