every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize