I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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