Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize