So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize