There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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