Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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