She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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