4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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