My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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