This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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