meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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