Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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