my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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