I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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