This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
false alarm, still single
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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