Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize