So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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