how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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