How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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