...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
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Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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