I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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