she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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