it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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