i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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