Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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