apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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