so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize