Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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