I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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