We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
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how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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