I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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