Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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