She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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