I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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