idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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