I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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