you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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