sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
