but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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