The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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