I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize