i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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