When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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