There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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