Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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